tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8703766260150562230.post3667718085026498229..comments2022-11-26T02:04:12.438-08:00Comments on The Salted Espresso: Depitting OlivesAugie Hoffmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02549133635168917210noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8703766260150562230.post-11970108848259419382010-01-26T11:27:56.949-08:002010-01-26T11:27:56.949-08:00Dear world,
It has become painfully clear that no...Dear world,<br /><br />It has become painfully clear that no amount of practice can get my speed up to even a mere five olives per minute (an acceptable speed for green beginners, not someone who has given as much of their life to the craft as myself).<br /><br />These hands of mine, beautiful though they are, are mere ornaments. They were meant to be looked at, not to depit olives. Why the cruel fates have given me a passion for olive depitting, and hands that couldn't depit an overly ripe peach on a hot summer's day, I will never know. I only know that I can't go on like this. I am like an olive without its pit... perhaps a poor analogy in the context of this letter.<br /><br />Goodbye world.Tom Thayerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05133751624225676041noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8703766260150562230.post-85468899341592669802010-01-20T21:17:36.611-08:002010-01-20T21:17:36.611-08:00Dear Tommy,
I didn't tell you I got the job be...Dear Tommy,<br />I didn't tell you I got the job because I thought you'd be jealous. We've always known that I'm the better olive depitter. I was afraid that if I told you, it would only bring back memories of your last place finish in that fateful olive depitting contest. <br /><br />Now that you know the truth, please don't kill yourself.Augie Hoffmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02549133635168917210noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8703766260150562230.post-41582916262071104752010-01-20T19:31:14.175-08:002010-01-20T19:31:14.175-08:00You didn't tell me you got a JOB!!? This is HU...You didn't tell me you got a JOB!!? This is HUGE. Way to go! If I lived nearby, I'd come in and order a big bowl of olives. Depitted, of course.Tom Thayerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05133751624225676041noreply@blogger.com